If I have anything to give at all, what I have to give is what comes through me from the land where I live. The land here is my body, my body is the land, my bones are the land's bones. My blood, hers. And everything that comes through me on behalf of my clients and everything that comes through me that I share with my students comes from the love, beauty and ancient, unimaginable intelligence of the land that I belong to–the Appalachian mountains, that are older than the rings of Saturn. And the very specific part of those mountains that has claimed me.
I am by no means originally from the land where I live, nor were my ancestors. But 25 years ago, through a very unlooked-for and mysterious process of events, this land called out to me and I came, without knowing why or to what end. When I first arrived here around a corner of the narrow gravel road and looked across the pond to the far fields and woods beyond, two events occurred together. First, what had to be thousands upon thousands of small, glowing gold beings flew up from the ground and filled the air with a shimmering light everywhere I looked. Concurrently I felt my chest open and a great stream from my heart poured out and dispersed among these beings to join them in what was a profound recognition and celebration. I knew then this was my home, even though I didn’t, and still don’t, really know why. To me it seems some deep mysteries don’t like being poked at so I leave this as a wonder in my life that will be revealed if necessary. Otherwise I receive it as the miraculous gift it has always been.
There are also many reasons why it's not always easy living here. I am far away from my beloved human friends; the buildings on this land are 140 years old and have needed years of labor and great amounts of money I’m unlikely to ever see again, and still they are in need, and as I age I notice more often the energy it requires to navigate inefficient daily functioning. There is no work for me here so I travel for work when I can or work online and, since I have no natural enduring presence as part of any community, it can be incredibly difficult for anyone to know enough about me in a personal way to then seek out my services. And this then can limit the care I have to give to the physical needs of the land… and to myself and family. So attention, love, trust and commitment has to fill in at these times. But but but…..
The land. The land is everything. I could not be who I am without my relationship with this land. I live for her, because of her. S/he sings to me. S/he teaches and guides me. Holds me, nourishes me. S/he is my life marriage, my deep covenant, my unceasing prayer, my boundless love. If I were to leave I feel my spirit would sicken and my body die.
No words can carry the awe, respect as well as deepest heartbreak I have for all indigenous peoples who have been forced from their place within the embrace of their homelands. The recognition of this pain is too great for my ignorant words. No words convey the heartbreak I have for the modern people who have no such inspirited, long term relationship to land they belong to. My life work is to do my part to inspire and provide ways to change that. Having continual relationship with and belonging to the land alters perception, feeling, intention and behavior in ways nothing else does. It creates peace and the desire and ability for unity. And it happens innately. Even just 25 years of being a single foreigner on earth that has welcomed me has utterly changed every part of my being. And I am continually re-made..
Expressed with greatest love for my daily companion, Black Walnut Tree